Saturday, December 27, 2008

The Beginning and the End

There's nothing like the holidays to throw a person completely out of their groove. I admit, my groove was tenuous at best but is now completely GONE.

The children and I succumbed to a mystery illness this Christmas which has resulted in me losing my voice. This is a very weird experience. I didn't realize how often I was raising my voice until I didn't have the option!

The new moon in Capricorn this morning has a serious quality that is slightly uncomfortable. The moon is joined up with Pluto and Mars enters the fray tomorrow. This is volatile energy and we see some of it reflected in the world as conflicts erupt and resentments surface. Please take extra care now and don't be surprised if you feel like hiding away for a bit. It's ok!

Notice how everything feels so BIG and there's a crushing sense of what's right and wrong. Don't take it too seriously...this is just the new moon energy showing us the dark side of our dreams and desires. Now is the time to start planting the seeds of the new dream. Solemnity is fine but be wary of the depression.

As I wrote in the latest issue of the New Moon News:
*The key to working well with Capricorn energy is the body. Caring for the body is essential now. When Capricorn feels good and is able to participate in the material world joyfully, success is assured. Come back to the simplicity of the body. Do something nice for that body under the influence of the new moon. Sensuality and small pleasures can make what's wrong seem right again. Cultivating relationships and the willingness to be vulnerable also offer healing.

Love what you got!

I've launched a new venture called **20 minute meditation. It's a conference call with a guided meditation on a variety of topics. We'll meet on Fridays from 11-11:20 am mountain time. I want to invite anyone who's interested to participate for free in the month of January. Just send me an email expressing your interest and I will add you to the invitation list.

The more of us who join together in the spirit of healing, the more healing will manifest.

I also want to take time to thank everyone who commented on the blog last week or sent a note. I'm trying to respond to each of you individually and I will but it might take some time. You are so amazingly supportive and I wish you all the biggest and brightest miracles 2009 has to offer. I plan on doing a numerology analysis of 2009 this week, so please check back (be advised that I'm no expert, but I might have some basic insight to offer).

Blessings friends! Here's to a wonderful New Year.
Come join me for 20 minute meditation this Friday!

*are you interested in receiving the New Moon News? Sign up for my monthly newsletter...the link is on the left, near the email button...

**for info on 20 minute meditation, click here...

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Solstice Greetings

It's a little heavy tonight since the Sun moved into Capricorn this morning and is teamed up with Pluto.

If you're like me, you're feeling a tad tired. That's the way it's supposed to be. Love this long night and take time to send out a prayer or two.


Friday, December 19, 2008

Mercurial...grad school application update

Okay...I had some of the application up today, then I took it down.

  • Having it up for a few hours helped A LOT.
  • I'm going to continue to craft this sucker of an essay into a work of art!
  • I met a lovely lady today who told me that there are tons of Leonine Times readers out there (way more than I that possible?). While this is extremely validating, it also makes me more aware of the content here. I want to offer good stuff, not ME ME ME.
  • Anyway...thanks for going along with my little experiment. It's starting to come together after that terrible period of stagnation.
  • Thanks to everyone for all the amazing letters of encouragement. I really appreciate the support. YOU GUYS ROCK!
  • I'm amused by my own process. I hope you are too...
  • If you need help with any changes, just know: I GOT YOUR BACK.
Here's a pretty picture to entertain and delight you.

You'll be the first to know how it all plays out, peeps.


Wednesday, December 17, 2008

The Big Test

I'm in the midst of applying to graduate school...

I could go on and on about why, what and how. The bottom line is, I'm looking for a way to apply my skills to larger groups of people, people who wouldn't normally find me, etc. I want to work with a group, have a predictable schedule and great benefits. I would love to find a way to reach more men (no offense goddesses but some male energy would be a refreshing change). I also want to create more stability for my family as the life of an Intuitive Counselor tends to be one of feast and famine (*fun for a single gal but slightly nauseating as a parent and home owner).

In my pursuit of this new goal, know that I will ALWAYS make time for my dear little blog and my lovely clients. That is my promise to you today (could change but I certainly hope not...).

Anyway...this grad school application has me tied up in knots. It's been sitting here for weeks, practically untouched. At first I went through a stage of feeling like there was no way they'd ever take me. It's a competitive program and I wasn't a great student as an undergrad and I'm too old and blah, blah, blah.

Then I moved in to F*CK IT. My energy shifted into rebel mode as if to say who cares anyway? I don't need your stinkin' program!

Now I'm back to looking at the application and thinking...I really want to do this and I'm pretty sure I can get in (I mean there's a part of me that doesn't want to do it but that's the same part that doesn't want to answer the phone, pay bills or take a bath. The part of me that doesn't want to do this is the part that wishes it could daydream life away with no work, no responsibility, NO BODY).

Since the NO BODY part isn't an option, I'm back to the application and this terrible feeling of being tested. I have to prove I'm worthy of the program? Not my favorite thing.

The application is basically an essay. You'd think I could knock it out with all the writing going on over here but NO...I am jammed up. I've been a nervous wreck about it. How do I explain my life, my choices, my ambitions for the future? What tone do I take? WHO AM I TALKING TO??

Thankfully, A (lovely friend/client and university prof who bears a resemblance to the picture above) gave me an excellent suggestion. She said blog the application. What an amazing idea!! If I blog it, I know who I'm talking to (you) and I start to relax. After all, I just want to get ME across to these mysterious, admission people. So, over the next couple of days I might be blogging some of the application.

OR NOT. (It might not be interesting enough for you dear readers...but the suggestion alone has gotten me started). I've been writing the application in blogger and transferring it to word just to help me stay in the mindset of talking to you (just another of the myriad ways you help me...).

Man, I wish I was brave enough to let it all hang out. In my parallel universe of telling the truth no matter what, I might include this exact blog entry as part of the application but then what? Would they think me too cheecky, weird, irreverent, silly, strange? Now you see friends, why this damn application is making a ruckus. The self-consciousness it engenders SUCKS.

Intuitive people like to hide. We don't really want a lot of attention or fuss. We like to keep the focus on others. As I contemplate making this change, I'm not just going back to school or looking for different kinds of work, I'M COMING OUT OF HIDING!

Okay...enough for now. I will let you know what happens. Just another space to play with what I know (and don't know). never ends!

*thanks economic meltdown/pluto in capricorn for helping me catalyze big changes that have been on my mind for YEARS.

Friday, December 12, 2008

The Gift

Well, I'm back from grandma's house. What a treat! I won't say it was easy because there were a few challenges but I am grateful, grateful, grateful that I got to spend time with her.

I've always been terrified at the idea of traveling alone with my two children. I see now how much this fear has limited me. I got over it by actually doing it. Things did not go perfectly either. My two year old daughter was suffering from a stomach bug which meant a little bit of vomit and a ton of stinky poop. She's a Virgo and gave up diapers a while back, so there were many trips to the potty, sometimes at inopportune times. Still, I was proud that I stayed calm and just sucked it up.

My son was a little defiant. I wasn't expecting that and it got my irish up a couple times, but he's still alive, so that's good news. My grandmother even got her energy together to take my son to a movie. She didn't enjoy it much but he did. These newer, animated films move a little too fast for grandma.

At home, my husband does 90% of all the cooking but I found myself preparing meals for the tots, my grandmother and me. I can't believe I actually made palatable food for all of us. There's something amazing about being put in a position where you have to do something you normally resist and discovering that you can do it and it can actually be (slightly) fun and fulfilling?

My grandmother reminded me of something. I'm not sure how to describe it except to say that I felt calm around her. I had a sense of being able to handle whatever difficulties may arise which is not always how I feel at home. It's like she knows something about me that I tend to forget and it's good stuff. Being around her seemed to bring out the strength and confidence I sometimes lack in my daily struggles.

I had a chance to ask her about her childhood and how she met my grandfather. She lit up telling me stories.

She told me about my great, great grandmother Julia, born a year after the civil war ended. I guess great, great grandmother Julia used to spontaneously burst into a Scottish jig for any and all reason. This delighted my grandmother and her siblings. Great, great grandmother was a single mother from the time her daughter was two, her young husband having died from a dire case of typhoid fever. I imagine it was tough.

That's the thing. There are tough times for every generation. I needed to be reminded of that. Despite the tough times, we can all spontaneously burst into a jig at any moment.

My grandmother is definitely thinking about death. She said a couple of cryptic things. She has chronic back pain and her doctors told her it was too dangerous to operate and that she should just live with it. I can tell she's tying up loose ends and my visit was part of that. Selfishly, I hope she hangs in there. I want to see her again! I need to know more about her childhood, her life and her wisdom.

I'm going to try for the summer. I want her to have a chance to know my children and give them a chance to know her. I'm so glad she cajoled me out of my resistance to travel. I'm also glad that being around her reminded me that good times come and go and come again.

We can always find reason to dance no matter what the circumstances.

SORRY IF THIS IS RAMBLING...that darn stomach bug is running rampant in our house. Gotta find a way to kill it...

Monday, December 8, 2008

Fortune Forecast 12/8 - 12/14


There is magic in the air this week, somewhat fragile and intangible. Patience is essential. When a sacred seed drops into our hands, we need to treat it gently and carefully. It takes time to grow a seed into a thriving and fruitful harvest. Expectations and the desire for instant gratification can lead to trouble. Be willing to think long term. Recognize the cycles that are in operation now. Take delight in planting this seed knowing that it will bear fruit in perfect time. Don't let the anticipation of what's to come keep the pleasure of now away. One of the greatest gifts of this time period and all the challenges it has presented is the opportunity to break free and redefine our values. Relationships are important and need tending. Look for the simple pleasures this week. These pleasures are potent in the healing they offer.

check out the weekly Good Fortune Scopes!

Monday 12/8
Reach out and connect with the people you love. It seems too simple and it may even seem like a distraction from the work that needs to be done but much abundance will be generated by making relationships the focus today. Conversations bring insight, healing and amusement into dark spaces. Don't put it off. Pick up the phone, shoot out some emails and create a gathering of like minded souls.

Tuesday 12/9
Progress seems to have ground to a halt. It's hard to see any movement or change. Under the surface, potent forces are at work. We will soon see the fruits of our labor. In the meantime, it would be wise to cultivate an upbeat attitude. Let go of the need to control it all. Trust that it's all coming together because it is and we'll be delighted soon when we see it all in clear relief.

Wednesday 12/10
Validation is in the stars today. There's no need to brush it aside or downplay our role in recent success. We need to take it in, bask in it and enjoy it. The boost we get from earned recognition gives us the energy we need for the next step and the risks that are coming. Humility is sweet, but pride brings healing as well. Know how to balance these two seemingly opposing forces.

Thursday 12/11
It suddenly feels easier to move forward. Our minds are clear and the clarity helps us make plans that are workable. Communication is important today. We need to give ourselves permission to ask for what we want and respond to the requests of loved ones and friends. Dreams feel more possible now which brings levity and play. Small steps take us far down the road.

Friday 12/12
We have the remarkable ability to see past the mask today. The truth is clear even if there is a layer of fog over it. It's painful sometimes to see what's real, especially when it clashes with what we want to believe. Still, the truth offers freedom and a greater range of choice. We are being liberated and it will lead to more abundance and joy if we are willing to stand behind it with grace.

Saturday 12/13
There's no doubt we are in a difficult time period. It's seductive to dwell on what needs to be improved and what we don't have enough of. Celebration is an energy and it's always available. Look to the simple pleasures that are available and relish them. Bring attention to the body and how it feels. Offer comfort to that body! When the temple is in order, all else flows.

Sunday 12/14
Sometimes we wake up to a world so beautiful and so blessed that we hardly believe it. Today is one of those days. The magic and the mystery is potent and pleasing. Can we let it in? Can we move out of our own thinking structure long enough to see the wonder the way we would if we were still children? That is the challenge today. The magic is always there, we just can't see it. take the blinders off for a bit and enjoy.

need help with the energy this week?

Our world moves quickly and it sometimes seems as if we've lost the ability to work patiently and diligently for the harvest. Once we were farmers and herders and craftspeople who knew how to take time to create a desired outcome. Tap into that ancestral wisdom this week. There are many moments when progress feels slow. Don't be tricked by the illusion. There is a ton happening behind the scenes. Forces that we can't conceive of are at work. All we need to do is keep the focus and continue to take small steps. Soon we'll be in a better space and we may even wonder how we got here. Recognize that there are cycles in play. We can't push the river. Relax and trust but keep working for the dream. It's emerging, fragile at first but growing in strength as we continue to refine and define it. Enjoy the journey friends!

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

To Grandmother's House I Go

I'm on my way to visit my grandmother. She is an elegant lady...not the kind of grandmother we picture when we hear the word. She is a terrible cook and in some ways, she's not the typical nurturer. Still, she has much to teach about being a woman.

She is an incredible hostess. She knows how to create amazing family gatherings which must be a challenge with seven children, twenty grandchildren and six great grandchildren. She is charming and funny and graceful.

She was married to a powerful man (my grandfather). He was a charismatic guy and I wonder sometimes what it was like for her to be in the supporting role to such a character? I know that he would have been a fraction of himself without her. I hope she knows that too.

Sometimes I see her face in my daughter's face. It flickers by. It's a funny thing when that happens...

We've been trying to create a meeting for a long time and we've finally gotten it together. I feel blessed to have some time alone with her and my two children because who knows if this opportunity will ever come again?

Not much else to say friends, except that I hope you have the opportunity to connect with your dear ones as well during this holiday season. In the end, isn't that what we remember? The gatherings and exchanges with loved ones?

WISH ME WELL ON MY JOURNEY and i wish you well on yours!

Monday, December 1, 2008

Fortune Forecast 12/1 - 12/7


We may have an idea of what we want to create this week but if we are wise we'll stay open and fluid to change. When we get locked on to something to the point of feeling anxiety about not having it, we know we are getting too narrow in our vision. An opportunity that looks easy to capitalize on might offer a ton of complications. We need to slow down and consider everything before making agreements. It's as if there's a mirage up ahead and we can never quite reach that elusive oasis. We keep trudging forward, trying to get there and in the meantime we miss out on the amazing moment at hand. Look beyond the shining facade for the truth, for that truth is the key to freedom, joy and success.

check out the weekly Good Fortune Scopes!

Monday 12/1
How often do we ignore our impulses in favor of being practical? Today we need to give ourselves permission to wander and drift. The intensity building inside must be explored. It will not abate until it finds satisfaction. The journey it promises can take us closer to a sense of purpose and fulfillment. Look for clues that come through feeling and just go.

Tuesday 12/2
A dream that seems sweet and appealing is actually starting to cause a lot of pain. Part of the problem is that we don't believe we can ever make it real. The other part of the problem is that we've been using the dream to escape the discomfort here and now. Sometimes we just can't control the obsessive energy. If that's the case, indulge in it but put a time limit on it. Don't let the dream take over indefinitely.

Wednesday 12/3
Happy surprises are popping up all over! The more we get ourselves out and about, the better. There is good fortune in the air today. We bump into important people and create auspicious beginnings. Things seem to be falling into place after a few days of struggle and doubt. This is wonderful news. Relax into it. Trust it. What starts now has a divine blessing on it.

Thursday 12/4
Leaps of faith are often uncomfortable. We have no assurance of success. We need to go anyway. Today is a perfect day for risk. Even if we don't end up quite where we expect to, we'll still benefit from the assertion. There is emotional relief in reaching for what we want. A stuck energy will move just from the action of taking action, great and small. As they say...JUST DO IT.

Friday 12/5
It's difficult to move today. A kind of paralysis is sinking in and slowing everything to a standstill. Could it be that the pause is necessary and important? There's no need to struggle against the tide. Retreat if retreat is called for. The psychic weather is difficult to navigate now. It's not personal and in no way is it a reflection on how we're doing things or if we're doing them right.

Saturday 12/6
A new vision is taking shape and with it a plan of action. We're not quite to the point of moving forward. We're in the midst of the pain that comes before the surge of creative energy. Doubts and fears are close to the surface. It's easy to succumb to a lack of faith. When we feel this way we know we're close to the breakthrough and the liberation we need and want. Hang in there! We'll be on to better things soon.

Sunday 12/7
The breakthrough we've been anticipating has arrived! Expect the unexpected for as much as we've tried to visualize our freedom, it feels different when it finally shows up. This is an exciting time period and it seems that anything is possible. This might create anxiety as well as enthusiasm. It's okay to be ambivalent and sort of overwhelmed by the potential. The energy will smooth out soon.

need help with the energy this week?

Cultivate a positive attitude no matter what comes at you this week. The energy is up and down from day to day so expecting to be able to hold a steady space may be unrealistic. Create a mantra or an affirmation to help keep the focus on the positive. Everything is happening for a reason, though we are often not privy to the divine plan. More and more we are being asked to trust in forces greater than what we can conceive of. Perfection is not part of the picture so don't impose it on yourself and your circumstances. Everything happening now is getting us lined up with our purpose. Know it and the ups and downs won't feel so choppy.