Tuesday, August 3, 2010

A Minor Disaster

I wrecked my laptop the other day.

It was an accident.  I LOVED that little machine.  I practically took it everywhere.  Oh well.  It's fried as far as I can tell and I can only hope that my data is still recoverable.  If not, I'm getting pretty close to acceptance.  (Fortunately, I have my dear husband's laptop to help me get through the next few days before my new computer gets here and gets set up.  His laptop has none of my special programs and none of my files but it'll do in a pinch). 

I moved through a lot of stages as this whole process unfolded.  I started with sheer horror and disbelief, which then morphed into self-recrimination and rage.  Then I moved into a sort of hysterical humor and from there a depressive acceptance until a strange relief descended.  The relief comes in having experienced the disaster I so dreaded.  It's happened now, so I no longer have that fear in the back of my head.  I had a feeling it was coming.  I could feel it and yet I put off taking action that would have protected all my data.  FRACK! 

I learned a lot (SLOW DOWN, GET GROUNDED, LISTEN AND ACT ON INTUITION, BACK UP DATA, DON'T HAVE TALL GLASSES OF WATER ANYWHERE NEAR THE EQUIPMENT).  Pretty basic stuff but beyond the basics, I've had an urge to take it further into the zone of MAYBE I NEEDED A BREAK FROM THE COMPUTER or MAYBE MY SPIRIT GUIDES ARE TRYING TO TELL ME SOMETHING or MAYBE I DIDN'T BACK UP MY DATA BECAUSE I DON'T LOVE MYSELF ENOUGH or I'M MORE SELF DESTRUCTIVE THAN I THINK or I WAS RESISTING MY DESIRE TO GET A NEW COMPUTER SO I MANIFESTED A MINOR DISASTER.  Huh?  It was a careless accident, nothing more, nothing less.

We so want to make sense of this reality and all the events in it, don't we?  And we have the ability to do so.  Humans are nothing short of magnificent in terms of being able to make up stories to make it all make sense.

For those of you who've been tuning into the Stonestreet Cafe on 12radio.com, you'll recognize this is a recurrent theme on the show.  We want to extract value from the events in our lives.  We need it to make sense.  It can't just be a careless moment, one that has big consequences.  We can't just suffer for no reason.  No...it has to have a bigger, more profound meaning otherwise...what?  What happens when we lose the story?

I'm in no way implying that these stories aren't helpful.  They are but sometimes they're not.  Sometimes it just is.

Strangely, since the computer disaster my brain has been flooded with new ideas.  Weird.  Maybe it's because I can't spend as much time on the computer and thus, my brain has more space?  Perhaps I needed a clean slate? (see...there I go again!)  Whatever!  I've been experiencing these flashes of insight...these fresh ideas that make it hard to sleep at night, so much is happening in my little brain.

One idea is exactly what I'm talking about here.  This need to have a lesson to reassure ourselves that nothing's wasted.  NOTHING IS WASTED and yet I wonder why we need the stories?  Do the stories help or do they box us in in a way?

I'm not going to get an answer to this quandry just yet.  There may be no real answer.  Being human mean being able to tell stories.  It's an important ability and yet, it can run amok.  We make things complicated.  We resist simple truths.  When that guy we like doesn't call back we want to create a narrative to stave off the pain.  Does it work?  You tell me.

Truth is mutable.  What's true for you may not be true for me.  The stories you choose might look totally different from the stories I would tell in the same situation.  It's as if our reality if getting more and more bendable.

I'm going to be talking about this in the Stonestreet Cafe this Thursday (7pm pacific/10pm eastern).  The show is called HAPPY ENDINGS and it's about our need to put a positive spin on things.  We are determined to defend against pain and suffering.  This is especially true in the United States where our movies and TV shows need to be funny, uplifting and have a redemptive message.  Just take the movie Pretty Woman.  In the original ending, the business man leaves the girl behind but test audiences were so disappointed that they re-shot the end with Richard Gere climbing up the fire escape with a bouquet of flowers to save Julia Roberts.  The movie was a huge success because of the happy ending.

We won't watch if it doesn't end well.  Are we missing out on something important as a result?  This is the question.

I hope you'll tune in this Thursday and give a listen.  The show will be LIVE and I'll be taking calls from folks who want to share their thoughts and feelings on the topic.  I'll send out the number tomorrow or Thursday morning in case you want to call in and chat with me.

Until then, I'm going to muddle through with what I've got (which is a lot...very grateful to have a way to connect with you).  I'm still hoping all my data can be saved but if not, it'll be okay.  The clean slate idea is getting more and more appealing.  It's just words...my own data, that is.  It's not like I can't rewrite all of it and in doing so get a fresher vibe happening. 

Perhaps I'll sit down and start writing that book in the back of my head.  Perhaps this minor disaster will spur me on.  We shall see.

Forgive me if you don't hear from me as much over the next week or so as I regroup.  I'll still be writing Scopes and the Fortune Forecast.  I'm still here (and cutting back on my water consumption).

xoxo
-Julia

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